My dad had a mild stroke today.
I’m shaking as I write this. He suffered from short term memory loss around 9pm Monday night. He rang my mum asking where did he park the car in Puchong. My mum got so worried and called my aunts and my sister’s doctor friend, Ng.
They picked my dad up and drove him home. He did not remember what he was doing. He did not remember how he fell down and bruised his eye on Wednesday night. He kept asking that very question at least 100 times tonight if not more. My mom held a brave front and patiently told him the answer at least a 100 times. My dad did not remember my birthday celebration. He did not remember I broke up with Nat. He did not remember our Mexican dinner last night. He did not remember the tiramisu cake after. He did not remember what he had for lunch and dinner or how many patients he saw today.
My sister called me at 10:30pm. I was out with friends. I rushed home immediately and broke down when I saw the condition that my father was in. Ng, being a trained doctor coaxed my dad to go to University Hospital for a scan. My dad was reluctant. He kept asking how he fell. And when he fell. Over and over. I could not stop crying. My sister and brother kept calling. They wanted to drive back home from Ipoh and Johor respectively.
After much debate and convincing, he finally went along with us. I was covered in tears and drove at top speed. I did not know what to do. After we got the the accident and emergency section of the hospital, we waited. Eventually my dad got called. After the blood test and a CT scan, we went home. Turns out a small supply of blood to his brain has been cut off. We’re not sure why. Dad kept asking the same questions. He started remembering a little but refused to take an aspirin. Ng was also extremely kind to assist the MOs there and had helped paved the way for my dad to get in and out of there as soon as possible. We are indebted to his generosity and kindness.
He also suspected that the Jack Daniels’ Tennessee sour mash whiskey bought by Nat was toxic. We are not sure. Alcohol poisoning also causes memory loss. We are taking a sample to the chemist.
I’m tired. I’m really really exhausted from the worry, the despair and the helplessness from it all. It did not help that my dad was being stubborn and insist to work later (Tuesday morning). I’m going to accompany him to work and see how it goes. I’m only scared that the stroke strikes twice. More so it affects more than just memory, but motor reflexes.
I just got home. I am so tired yet I can’t sleep.
This entire episode reminded me that there are more important things in life than to cry over a broken heart caused by a jerk who was dishonest in a relationship right from the start. My family is more important than some asshole who wanted to ‘indulge in debauchery’, fuck other girls and copped out of a loving bond. My father is ten thousand times worth my tears than some childish boy who has justified all his selfish greed in the guise of some ‘noble’ quest for happiness.
Tonight’s events reminded me that some people can only find happiness from sacrificing other people’s feelings. I’m glad that that my happiness comes from knowing I have always done the right things and I’ve always been true. I am glad I have hurt no one and that I had loved truly and unconditionally.
I have nothing to apologise for but plenty to forgive. And I have all the love in the world - the kind that nurtures the soul, not the kind that losers say just to get free sex. I will continue to love because I have been liberated. There’s no more room for hurt in me. Just absolute clarity.
I am at peace.
p/s: I thank you all for the support over the break up and all the warm wishes for my birthday from the deepest of my heart. I really do. Right now, all I ask are for prayers that my father will be okay and for strength that my family will persevere through these troubled times.
