squeak. speak. roar!

#1. I’ve had dinner with Saiful before (where Khairy was sitting a couple of tables away no less in Michelangelo’s in Pavilion, KL). But sorrylah I did not speak to him or even know who he was.

#2. I agree with A M Ubaidah about letting the whole ‘is Anwar a sodomite’ mystery finally surfacing all over again. I think as much as we’re skeptics, all of us are secretly curious as to whether this is true or not. To quote him:

Now the question has raised its ugly head again. However, whilst others may be unhappy or indeed disgusted that another charge of sodomy against Anwar has arisen, I am actually glad, as this is the opportunity for the nation to fully address this issue, rather than leaving it in our sub-conscious or isolated as the butt of many jokes at UMNO events.

#3. I guess if people want to take it to the streets they can do so in Padang Timur near Amcorp in PJ (near where I live, eeeps!) this weekend. If it becomes a protest against the petrol hike AND against Anwar’s possible persecution - then we might just see the one million people (ambitious!) present. I have had my primary school sports day there for many years, it will not take one million people. lol. But good luck to those who plan to attend.

#4. I’m just sending warmest wishes and strength to Anwar’s family. Suddenly old thoughts and memories of how my secondary school was reacting to reformasi back in 1998 because Izzah was caught in the middle of everything :( I hope she got my text.

All else, Monday whoopeedo! :)

Oh c’mon! If you haven’t read:

A police report has been lodged against de facto PKR leader Anwar Ibrahim for allegedly sodomosing one of his aides - the second time that such an accusation had been made in over 10 years.

The report was lodged by the 23-year-old alleged victim at the Jalan Travers police station at 6pm.

KL police chief Muhammad Sabtu Osman confirmed that the report had been made.

[…]

PKR sent out an SMS message stating that the police had detained Anwar’s special aide Mohd Saiful Bukhari Azlan this afternoon and forced him to lodge a police report about being sodomised by his boss.

It added that the police are expected to arrest Anwar soon.

Either the government is incredibly stupid to try this stunt again, or incredibly clever to divert the nation’s attention from real issues (price hikes, corruption, Altantuya) with a scandal. The latter strategy seems to be working as I trawled through the blogs and everybody has something to say about Anwar’s alleged sodomy. We fell for it again, suckers.

Nobody believed the sodomy allegations (unless you’re BigDog or extremely ill-informed) back in 1998. I didn’t. Like many others, I have reservations about Anwar over his political ambitions and motives, but sodomy between two consensual adults doesn’t sound like a crime to me. Unless there is some proof that Saiful was forced to spread his legs while Anwar did the deed. It’s physically unfathomable, I don’t think Anwar’s back is up for such vigorous shoving and heaving (think Brokeback). Honestly now. If this is true, I’d like to see corroborative evidence from Saiful’s end (no pun intended). A third party maybe? A video of two men shagging but of poor quality? A stained mattress at a yet unbuilt condominium?? Anal tearing for Saiful? History shows, it was a sandiwara then. Odds are, it’s another sandiwara this time round.

Can you believe this? From Rocky:

“Saya Mohd Saiful Bukhari b Azlan (850706-01-5687) ingin melaporkan bahawa saya telah diliwat oleh majikan saya. Perkara ini berlaku tanpa kerelaan saya. Kejadian terakhir berlaku 26/6/08 di Unit 1151, Kondominium Desa Damansara, Jln Setia Kasih, KL. Oleh itu, tujuan laporan ini dibuat untuk mendapat pembelaan dan keadilan keatas diri saya. Saya juga berasa bimbang dengan keselamatan diri dan keluarga saya jika perkara ini tersebar luas di khalayak ramai. Majikan saya Dato Seri Anwar Ibrahim - Ketua Umum PKR.”

And poor Saiful. I speculated that he either owes a HUGE debt to somebody or he is being blackmailed into submission for a dire reason. At 23 years old, his future is as good as over because there is no life after this in this conservative country if you’ve been butt-fucked. Look at Azizan and Sukma - they’ve disappeared and most probably surgically altered their faces in shame ….. or have left the country right after the hearings in 1999.

From the responses I’ve gathered, nobody believes this. With the poor reputation the police has, nobody will believe their investigations. And with all eyes on the judiciary and it’s lack of independence, nobody will believe that you will find true justice in the courts. Nobody believes the government. Nobody believes Anwar. Nobody believes the media.

We’ve been fed with too many lies and distractions. Time to take back the truth. If you can your own independent investigation - do it and blog about it.

Meanwhile, I’m taking all this with a pinch of salt and a slice of lemon.

The heart often heals much quicker with Nizlopi. Bless them and their lyrics about love, life and hope. lol. I’m rediscovering the music I adore (noisy, indie stuff) and the people I’ve missed speaking to. Not to mention the strange pleasure in being asked out already.

dot dot dot.

Moving along ….

:)

Guess I’ll pen a short note to Luke and John for helping me get through this all over again. I do love the Niz.

And sorry for not putting this quick enough as someone preempted me from making this announcement myself. My dad suffered a ‘post concussion amnesia’ that often occurs immediately after a concussion. We’re not sure why my dad had it 5 days after his fall. But the entire family is relieved to hear that it’s not serious and we’re all immensely thankful for all your kind words and support :) Very very thankful :)

*bows*

This blog might undergo a revamp sometime soon or it might not. Fact of the matter is, I’m getting extremely tired of blogging. There are already too many people doing a wonderful job and I’m getting too old for this. I’ve been at this for 6 years already! lol.

But this decision is not mine alone and I seek wisdom from my dearest readers. Shall I take a break or shall I blog on?

Happy weekend everybody! :)

p/s: I’m going to Urbanscapes on Saturday evening after work. Say hello if you see me!! :)

First I would like to thank everyone for their kind words. It showed me yet again that love and warmth can come from the most unlikely of places. The CT scan reports are not out yet but my dad has consulted a neurologist friend. It appears the condition was most probably caused by the fall my dad had last week and not the whiskey. Phew.

He has also started his medication so hopefully, the condition where the blood supply was cut off from his brain will heal in due time. It appears that there may be some permanent memory loss but nothing too serious. My dad has started recollecting things from his fall last Wednesday to events from last night. It is very encouraging and I’m very glad he is better. We expect more consultations to come after the reports are out.

Anyway, I’m still feeling my way through things. I’m beginning to think I should feel less and think more. Darwin knows my heart needs healing but the head needs to be occupied! So tell me, what do YOU do fun? I might just pick up some ideas :)

Just two pertinent words of wisdom that dear friends have shared in lifting my spirits:

• Sometimes one doesn’t need to find love, it finds you (thanks Dev!)

• We spend so much time worrying about other people’s effect on us, we forget we also have an effect on others. There might well be someone wondering when the hell Li Tsin is ever going to notice him… (thanks Marina!)

I think I am finding the rainbows after the storm. And not just the rainbows but the melody of the birds and rustling of trees in the wind. The air is cool and fresh - I’m going to take advantage of it :)

I owe it to my dad, I owe it to myself and I owe it to all of you, for the kindness and support you’ve shown me in the past few days. I really, really appreciate it.

My dad had a mild stroke today.

I’m shaking as I write this. He suffered from short term memory loss around 9pm Monday night. He rang my mum asking where did he park the car in Puchong. My mum got so worried and called my aunts and my sister’s doctor friend, Ng.

They picked my dad up and drove him home. He did not remember what he was doing. He did not remember how he fell down and bruised his eye on Wednesday night. He kept asking that very question at least 100 times tonight if not more. My mom held a brave front and patiently told him the answer at least a 100 times. My dad did not remember my birthday celebration. He did not remember I broke up with Nat. He did not remember our Mexican dinner last night. He did not remember the tiramisu cake after. He did not remember what he had for lunch and dinner or how many patients he saw today.

My sister called me at 10:30pm. I was out with friends. I rushed home immediately and broke down when I saw the condition that my father was in. Ng, being a trained doctor coaxed my dad to go to University Hospital for a scan. My dad was reluctant. He kept asking how he fell. And when he fell. Over and over. I could not stop crying. My sister and brother kept calling. They wanted to drive back home from Ipoh and Johor respectively.

After much debate and convincing, he finally went along with us. I was covered in tears and drove at top speed. I did not know what to do. After we got the the accident and emergency section of the hospital, we waited. Eventually my dad got called. After the blood test and a CT scan, we went home. Turns out a small supply of blood to his brain has been cut off. We’re not sure why. Dad kept asking the same questions. He started remembering a little but refused to take an aspirin. Ng was also extremely kind to assist the MOs there and had helped paved the way for my dad to get in and out of there as soon as possible. We are indebted to his generosity and kindness.

He also suspected that the Jack Daniels’ Tennessee sour mash whiskey bought by Nat was toxic. We are not sure. Alcohol poisoning also causes memory loss. We are taking a sample to the chemist.

I’m tired. I’m really really exhausted from the worry, the despair and the helplessness from it all. It did not help that my dad was being stubborn and insist to work later (Tuesday morning). I’m going to accompany him to work and see how it goes. I’m only scared that the stroke strikes twice. More so it affects more than just memory, but motor reflexes.

I just got home. I am so tired yet I can’t sleep.

This entire episode reminded me that there are more important things in life than to cry over a broken heart caused by a jerk who was dishonest in a relationship right from the start. My family is more important than some asshole who wanted to ‘indulge in debauchery’, fuck other girls and copped out of a loving bond. My father is ten thousand times worth my tears than some childish boy who has justified all his selfish greed in the guise of some ‘noble’ quest for happiness.

Tonight’s events reminded me that some people can only find happiness from sacrificing other people’s feelings. I’m glad that that my happiness comes from knowing I have always done the right things and I’ve always been true. I am glad I have hurt no one and that I had loved truly and unconditionally.

I have nothing to apologise for but plenty to forgive. And I have all the love in the world - the kind that nurtures the soul, not the kind that losers say just to get free sex. I will continue to love because I have been liberated. There’s no more room for hurt in me. Just absolute clarity.

I am at peace.

p/s: I thank you all for the support over the break up and all the warm wishes for my birthday from the deepest of my heart. I really do. Right now, all I ask are for prayers that my father will be okay and for strength that my family will persevere through these troubled times.

Happy birthday to us! :)

Click!

Conversations between me and Monkey …

Monkey: Mummy, mummy, please don’t cry.
Me: *choke choke sob sob* Looks like its just us from now on :(
Monkey: It’s okay, mummy. I still love you *hugs*
Me: Happy birthday sweetie *hugs*
Monkey: Happy birthday mummy.

*cuddles*

p/s: Sorry, comments closed for previous post. It was getting abused with free speech being hurled irresponsibly.

… the break up.

Happier times!

Dear friends,

It has been two years and 16 days that I have shared my wonderful life with Nat. Throughout the two years, there were bumps and hiccups that were normally fixed by promises of change and working hard in making things work. However, we hit a bump recently and there was no solution to that bump. Painful as it is, we have decided to end this relationship. Reasons that will remain private to us, all I can say is that it all ended amicably. Nat can have his cake and eat it :)

Besides the highlight of being together everyday, there were moments that stood out that deserves mention - Monkey, Nat’s arrest where I think I promised never to let Nat go, forums, movies, snuggle muggles, childwen galore lol. Emo as I am, I am crying as I type. It breaks my heart that this had to happen and I would really hope that everyone would respect our decision. It’s funny how I felt that this warranted a public announcement because we are oddly and somewhat a public couple. lol. I guess I’m being too self-absorbed but I felt it was necessary to clear the air that we are now two separate entities.

I’m a mess right now. 2008 has been personally one of the worst year I’ve had. I can safely say I’ve hit an all-new low that I am not accustomed to. The feeling of having my heart ripped out is not easy and I can only find strength from …. well, I don’t know. I’m seeking it from within I guess and I’m trying my darnedest best to speed the healing process.

I’m also writing this because I needed closure. And a reminder that I need to be strong. I hope this would discourage Nat from making any attempts to fix this but I think that’s highly unlikely and that is okay. I’ve done my best and given my all. I have nothing left.

The beating of a hollow heart is deafening. And I’m the only one that can hear it.

I love you, Nat. I will love you always. Thank you and your wonderful family for everything. May you find the joy that you seek.

<3

9pm, June 4, 2006 - 3am, June 21, 2008

Oh by the way, it’s my birthday tomorrow on Sunday! The irony of everything really. I’m trying so hard to laugh about it :) :(

Seriously, Samy Vellu has the BEST quotes ever. Right now we’ve got Nazri and Syed Hamid Albar .. oh and Ng Yen Yen as ministers with really dumb quotes. Kinda makes me miss Samy at times :P

I’m Just A Dust, Says Samy Vellu

Refusing to be drawn into a prolonged war of words with Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamad, MIC President Datuk Seri S. Samy Vellu said Friday he rather not reply to a statement made by the former prime minister.

Saying he was “just a dust”, the former works minister said he would not make comments that could put the good name of his former boss in a bad light.

“I’m nobody, I’m just a dust. I cannot reply to him in any way that will belittle him. I don’t want to cause any damage to his good name.

“He is my former boss. He had been a strong leader who had done a lot to develop the country… I rather not make comments about him,” he told reporters after opening the Kelantan MIC general meeting here.

Samy Vellu said this when asked to comment on the statement by Dr Mahathir that he (Samy Vellu) was a racist for sympathising with the group Hindraf.

The former prime minister made the statement in his blog www.chedet.com, which was also published in several newspapers on Friday.

Samy Vellu said the main thrust of his previous remarks was the effort to unite the multiracial people in the country, which still needed to be done even though the nation had long achieved its independence.

“When I read the statement by Tun (Dr Mahathir Mohamad), I can only laugh. What else can I do?

“In my previous statements I had asked the Tun to be a leader for all races and as a leader for all, he should discuss problems with all communities.

“We should make effort to unite the people even after 50 years of independence. At the same time there are also problems… social problems, economic problems and so on. When a community voices out its grievances, it doesn’t mean that the community is bringing up racial issues,” he said.

lol.

If he is dust and Darwin knows what kind of particles we are!!! :P

Have a good weekend you all! :)

p/s: There will be a short announcement in due course about something soon :)

I’m eliminating all the factors in my life that is making me unhappy.

Since I am making myself unhappy, that means ….

nvm. Nobody gives a fuck anyway.

As far as politics goes in this country, we all get too excited too fast.

So SAPP (Sabah Progressive Party) will back a no-confidence motion against PM Abdullah Ahmad Badawi when Parliament resumes on Monday. We will have to wait and see. Does this really affect Abdullah’s popularity? Hell no, he is already unpopular enough. But one thing is for sure, it will embolden other Barisan Nasional component party members and perhaps, make Umno quake in their boots.

Meanwhile, the winner will be Najib of course. That’s the reason why the succession plan was announced. So Umno and Abdullah will tell the public how they’ve got it all planned, all along. Who says the party has in-fighting? Abdullah will voluntarily step down not because people asked of it, but because he consented to a smooth transition of power. Same difference but you know the power of words. Pick the right ones and fool the rakyat. Besides, I really don’t see how this will benefit the rakyat in ANY way at all. What the hell am I going to get from all this? Umno and BN is still there, I’m just waiting to vote them out again. We cannot always rely on politicians you see.

But focusing on the motion on Monday, after reading Kit’s blog (who knows Parliament infinitely more than I do so I’ll take his word for it), I too doubt anything will actually happen:

With the ruling coalition commanding unbroken two-thirds parliamentary majority in the 11 general elections since Merdeka in 1957 until the recent political tsunami of the March 2008 general election, there had never been any no confidence motion against the Prime Minister in Malaysian parliamentary history.

The Parliamentary Standing Orders do not have special provision for a no confidence motion.

In the circumstances, a no confidence motion may be regarded as an ordinary motion under Standing Order 27 which requires notice of 14 days to be given – making it impossible for such a no confidence motion to be tabled on Monday, June 23, 2008 as the earliest would be July 2 if the no confidence motion is submitted today.

Standing Order 18 which allows an MP to move a motion to adjourn the House to discuss a definite matter of urgent public importance will be inappropriate and unhelpful as it only allows one hour debate on the specified issue without any vote being taken at the end of the debate.

The only way for a no confidence motion to be tabled and debated on Monday is for the Speaker to treat it as a substantive and extraordinary motion which should take precedence and priority over all parliamentary business which does not need to comply with the requisite 14-day notice and publishing it as the first item of parliamentary business after Question Time in the Parliamentary Order of Business on Monday.

In doing so, however, the Speaker is likely be in direct loggerheads with the government of the day and must be prepared to pay the consequences of such decision.

I see little possibility of SAPP’s No Confidence Motion against Abdullah as Prime Minister being tabled and debated on Monday unless there is a second political tsunami in the next few days, with waves of support from other Barisan Nasional MPs from Sabah, Sarawak and Peninsula Malaysia making it a credible parliamentary move.

It is a last paragraph that stood out. Will there be waves of support? I don’t know. It’s like wondering where and who the 30 BN MPs supposed to crossover to Pakatan as alleged by Anwar Ibrahim are. There is not point in anticipating anything beyond political sandiwara. Sapp being the jilted lover now out for revenge. Umno will hire thugs and bully Sapp. In the end they will run home to mommy and daddy mack and wait for orders on what to do next. We will all sit back and take it all in, only to forget the real issues at hand like how the hell are we coping with the super spike in living costs.

Until I see Sapp quit BN or the whole lot of them crossing over to Pakatan, I’m not getting all hot and bothered over this :)