And the world comes crashing in.
My dad had a mild stroke today.
I’m shaking as I write this. He suffered from short term memory loss around 9pm Monday night. He rang my mum asking where did he park the car in Puchong. My mum got so worried and called my aunts and my sister’s doctor friend, Ng.
They picked my dad up and drove him home. He did not remember what he was doing. He did not remember how he fell down and bruised his eye on Wednesday night. He kept asking that very question at least 100 times tonight if not more. My mom held a brave front and patiently told him the answer at least a 100 times. My dad did not remember my birthday celebration. He did not remember I broke up with Nat. He did not remember our Mexican dinner last night. He did not remember the tiramisu cake after. He did not remember what he had for lunch and dinner or how many patients he saw today.
My sister called me at 10:30pm. I was out with friends. I rushed home immediately and broke down when I saw the condition that my father was in. Ng, being a trained doctor coaxed my dad to go to University Hospital for a scan. My dad was reluctant. He kept asking how he fell. And when he fell. Over and over. I could not stop crying. My sister and brother kept calling. They wanted to drive back home from Ipoh and Johor respectively.
After much debate and convincing, he finally went along with us. I was covered in tears and drove at top speed. I did not know what to do. After we got the the accident and emergency section of the hospital, we waited. Eventually my dad got called. After the blood test and a CT scan, we went home. Turns out a small supply of blood to his brain has been cut off. We’re not sure why. Dad kept asking the same questions. He started remembering a little but refused to take an aspirin. Ng was also extremely kind to assist the MOs there and had helped paved the way for my dad to get in and out of there as soon as possible. We are indebted to his generosity and kindness.
He also suspected that the Jack Daniels’ Tennessee sour mash whiskey bought by Nat was toxic. We are not sure. Alcohol poisoning also causes memory loss. We are taking a sample to the chemist.
I’m tired. I’m really really exhausted from the worry, the despair and the helplessness from it all. It did not help that my dad was being stubborn and insist to work later (Tuesday morning). I’m going to accompany him to work and see how it goes. I’m only scared that the stroke strikes twice. More so it affects more than just memory, but motor reflexes.
I just got home. I am so tired yet I can’t sleep.
This entire episode reminded me that there are more important things in life than to cry over a broken heart caused by a jerk who was dishonest in a relationship right from the start. My family is more important than some asshole who wanted to ‘indulge in debauchery’, fuck other girls and copped out of a loving bond. My father is ten thousand times worth my tears than some childish boy who has justified all his selfish greed in the guise of some ‘noble’ quest for happiness.
Tonight’s events reminded me that some people can only find happiness from sacrificing other people’s feelings. I’m glad that that my happiness comes from knowing I have always done the right things and I’ve always been true. I am glad I have hurt no one and that I had loved truly and unconditionally.
I have nothing to apologise for but plenty to forgive. And I have all the love in the world - the kind that nurtures the soul, not the kind that losers say just to get free sex. I will continue to love because I have been liberated. There’s no more room for hurt in me. Just absolute clarity.
I am at peace.
p/s: I thank you all for the support over the break up and all the warm wishes for my birthday from the deepest of my heart. I really do. Right now, all I ask are for prayers that my father will be okay and for strength that my family will persevere through these troubled times.
June 24th, 2008 at 3:29 am
nat….did that…. huh
I suspected something was wrong with him…. especially since he is so close to Anwar
June 24th, 2008 at 3:49 am
Dear Li Tsin,
I’m sorry your Dad had a stroke. I hope he gets better soon. I hope he would somehow agree to rest… a lot. Our prayers are with you and your family.
And today, I shall add grace unto comfort and strength to come your way.
p/s..its now 4am.(dont ask) if i come across as anything but encouraging and positive, pls look at it as positive and encouraging anyway. Cz thats the intention.
June 24th, 2008 at 8:04 am
Hey. I’m really sorry that life is getting so rough for you. Just sending a warm cyber-hug your way, hoping you feel better soon. You’re a great person, someone I admire from afar, and someone who deserves the best.
June 24th, 2008 at 9:07 am
Family come first, always.
and take care of yourself.
June 24th, 2008 at 9:23 am
heya, glad everything is okay (or is getting better…). i can see the zen-ness coming through in your last paragraphs…doesn’t it just feel better to say it all out, accept it, and get over with it? ;o)
anyways, call if you need anything - we are practically neighbours hahaha…
more importantly, pls also take care of yourself. speak soon xxx
June 24th, 2008 at 9:53 am
How old’s your dad? Your doctor friend can probably give better advice but personally I’d take him to a Cardiologist - no excuses. If he’s never done one before - Angiography. Medical risk of the procedure is low compared to surviving a stroke. But be prepared for a huge medical bill for what may follow. At the best it could be nothing - a minor occlusion. Angioplasty can cost 5-7K per sten. A bypass… well I never enquired about that but I heard it goes into 40-50K? Aspirin is good - even low doses. My friend’s dad went thru a bypass several years ago. It was traumatic for the whole family. The silver lining is that he is well and fit now and I reckon it added many more years to his life.
June 24th, 2008 at 10:15 am
I will pray (something I haven’t done for a long time) for your Dad speedy recovery. Cheer up..ok.
June 24th, 2008 at 11:26 am
Li Tsin
Though we have never met, I have grown to know you through your blog. I am very very sorry that everything seems to be going so wrong these days.
You have always come across as a strong woman…. draw on this strength now. Trust that this “bad time” will pass, and all will be well soon.
Your Mom and Dad need this from you…and you are absolutely right: They are what matters now.
You take care…. and I will remember your Dad and your family when I say my prayers tonight.
Jeya.
June 24th, 2008 at 11:31 am
*hugs*
June 24th, 2008 at 11:53 am
my prayers and thoughts are with you and your family. let me know if i can help in any way (even if it’s just to hold your hands) k?
be strong and take care of yourself too. You need to be healty to be able to watch over your dad. *hugs*
June 24th, 2008 at 11:54 am
10 years ago, my dad had a stroke, he fell and hit his head on the rattan couch and our neigbour took him to the clinic. my mom and i was out and when i saw him being stiched up by the doc, my heart felt pain like i never felt before.. i was about to go leave to perth for my studies and thought i should have deferred, at the end my mom asked me to go. that was a heavy heavy heart for me to go at that time.
went to UH as well, bloody nurse didnt find a wheel chair for us, we had to search high and low, i scolded the nurse..asked her where was her compassion, if it was her dad.. would she just be tidak apa like she was at that time?
its not easy times so i emphatize with you, for your information, my dad went for acupuncture, there is a good one at jalan gasing, behind the Petaling Gardens office, u know near our old schools. opposite the kindergarden, The guy is very good and its not expensive i think only RM10 per session, but the crowd is a lot. please take your dad there for a try.
be strong and think positive. i think your mom needs your strength now more than ever.
take care !
June 24th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
There will be sunshine after rain…
June 24th, 2008 at 2:14 pm
My spinster aunt had a mild stroke last year. I know what you are going thru. Be strong/hold your tears, your dad needs your strength to go thru this life changing event. Hope your dad gets better.
June 24th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
hang on there. look at things from a different perspective - you will emerge stronger. all d best.
June 24th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
Li Tsin
I wrote once before when I sensed you were down and I am here again to give you some encouragement. Everything seems a mess now but you will be okay in the end, trust me. Even at such a young age you are strong and have the courage of your own convictions. In time your heart will heal and you will go on to love someone who will always cherish you for the person you are. I speak from experiences and had once thought that I may never love the same way again but it is not true. I have been married for a long, long time to a wonderful man and we have lovely two children. Never allow yourself to be jaded - live freely and love deeply when you find him.
As for your dad, please take him to see a physician again and take the medication he will be given faithfully. My dad had the same thing and becoz’ none of us had any experience on this we didn’t anticipate another stroke coming three months after the first once and this time it was fatal. So please learn from our mistake.
Take care of yourself and find the love and support in the family that you love.
June 24th, 2008 at 5:26 pm
Be strong. Your family need you to go through at this period of time. Take Care. Will keep you in prayer.
June 24th, 2008 at 7:57 pm
dear, pls be strong. i’ve been tru ur situations. prayers is the best.
God bless.
June 24th, 2008 at 8:02 pm
Trust Him when dark doubts assail thee, Trust Him when your faith is small,
Trust Him when simply to trust Him, is the hardest thing of all.
I got through many difficult and painful obstacles in my life just by reciting these words in my mind, over and over again. I hope you will find them helpful too.
Just only found your blog two days ago and I am so glad that I did. You have such a refreshing way of writing.
God bless.
June 25th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
just a reader of your blog and may i say in these tough times, the tough gets going.
best wishes and i am very sure you will find your rainbow.
June 25th, 2008 at 8:27 pm
Just another of your regular blog reader, best wishes to you in these trying times. God bless
June 26th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
Hi Li Tsin,
Here is one way to stay busy. We wish to dedicate the just published videos to you, your Dad, and your family. Please watch it in order it was presented.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O8veOkbJk-c
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVmx1K_sVF4
May you all be well and happy. The test of resilience will make you a stronger person, keep moving and NeverGiveUp }:-)
June 26th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
hope all is well and your dad’s feeling better
good riddance to bad rubbish.. you’ve finally gotten rid of that presumptuous and self-righteous lanky ass-loving faggot with a face that just ASKS for a punch.. and maybe a slap..
do take care
Godspeed (or rather Darwin speed?)
June 27th, 2008 at 3:52 am
Life is very short and precious. Do not dwell on negative thoughts and see the goodness in every living being, this practice is even more challenging when we are put to the test and wonder “Why me?”. Forgive, let go and lessen the burden of suffering for your self and others each day, and wake up each day peaceful & calm, Wishing: In gladness and in safety, May all beings be at ease.
June 27th, 2008 at 8:42 am
Lembu says —–I suspected something was wrong with him…. especially since he is so close to Anwar
eermmm?? what r u suggesting? That Nat swings both ways perhaps?!
July 2nd, 2008 at 1:10 pm
Sorry to hear abt yr dad. Yes, it is highly possible that it was from the alcohol. That’s because 70% of the hard liquor, even the expensive XOs, sold in Malaysia (and especially at bars) are counterfeit. Unfortunately, you can’t tell the fake stuff from the real stuff. Our family friend has some vodka (fake as it turned out) and damaged his nerves, especially for his eyes, so now at 30 he is blind. His friends drunk the same stuff but they were in better health overall so they did not have problems. So please be careful about buying alcohol they sell in this country. A lot of fakes and can cause long term irreversible damage. All the very best to your dad.
July 2nd, 2008 at 11:52 pm
you’re a brave soul, li tsin